UP Horoscope

I know this is up a little late. I have to apologize. My mother's tooth needed a little improvement due to self-neglect. (It was yanked) (Thanks Ted)

As I mentioned yesterday, we will be looking today at the mystical compass otherwise known as the horoscope. You might think that this phenomenon is a late development. I say to you, nay. People having been picking up the NY Times since the late 2nd or early 1st century B.C. to read their horoscopes.

"Julius, I think there might be a plot by the senators to kill you."

"Let's see what my horoscope says. 'It is a good day to take a risk. Keep your enemies close but your friend's closer.' See, I have nothing to worry about. Call Brutus, as long as he is there, I'll be fine."

Horoscopes will look different depending on the region in which they are given. This is due to the difference of the sky in which they are read. So a Taurus in Russia could see, "Take a break from your job at the factory. Find a comrade and enjoy a bottle of vodka together." Curious enough that same day a person with the same sign in France could read, "Watch out for trouble today. At the first sign of conflict, retreat!"

A Sagittarius in Switzerland could see, "Watch out for trouble from every direction. Knife your way through it as best you can by staying neutral." The same sign in Canada could read, "Don't worry about turning in early today, the cold will only get worse. Somehow find a way to blame America for it."

Even from state to state the sky can dictate a different meaning depending on where you reside.


A Capricorn in Nebraska could see, "Stare out the window at the flat nothingness and reflect on the emptiness of life. What else is there to do?"




That same Capricorn would have this to look forward to in New York that day, "Don't worry about what others are thinking. If they get in your way, they asked for it."





In Tennessee a Libra might find, "You will meet that special someone you have been searching for your whole life, at the family barbecue."










Another Libra in California that day though sees this, "Don't worry about anything man, just hang out and enjoy life and ... what was I saying?"





So when you open up that paper and turn to the horoscope page just remember. It all depends on the shape of the horizon in the place where you live. Either that or it is all made up crap that could apply to pretty much anybody any day. The answer, is in the stars.